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My head begins to spin even faster when I contemplate that at some point in the future I hope to be simultaneously married and in love with one wife and in love with, but for the temporary duration of this life no longer married to, another.

And always at the back of my mind the vague hope that one day, in some unknowable subsequent existence, I might have two wives and two marriages at one and the same time. Stuck in the quagmire of post grief depression, where the landscape is grey and flat, and the challenge of building a new life from scratch seems impossibly daunting, I need to demonstrate, to myself more than anybody, some kind of placed on my finger with such public ceremony that it somehow feels as though some meaningful formalities should be observed to mark its removal.

Never having worn jewellery of any description before I was forever absent mindedly playing with it.

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There are, it appears, a vast range of other practical and cultural reasons why I might choose to wear my ring in this way.

And while I like the idea of being mistaken for a musician, and am entirely relaxed about being wrongly identified as an Eastern Orthodox Christian, I'm much less keen on the thought that many will assume its code that signifies a willingness to cheat on a partner. But even if the rest of the world doesn't understand, other widow(er)s surely will - we become finely attuned to the significance of the unusual arrangement of wedding rings.

I was halfway through my lunchtime sandwich when I suddenly felt the disapproving stares from those squeezed in around me at the crowded cafe tables.

I had sat there dozens of times before doing the same thing, but it was only now that I suddenly realised how it must look to others; a middle aged man swiping through dating profiles on a phone, his brazen infidelity revealed by the wedding band on his ring finger.

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